Forty By Forty

Number 14: Hollywood Bowl Sing-along

  The Soundtrack to Grease was my first album, and I would spend hours singing along to all the songs. It was in 1978 in Stockholm, Sweden, and since I didn't learn English in school until 1979, I just mumbled my way through, making up words that sounded like what they were singing. I also "made out" with John Travolta on the cover, which made it funnier to meet him a few years ago. Unfortunately, he looked nothing like the Danny Zuko whose lips had been pressed against mine so many times, but I still giggled to myself. 

Sara's internship at B&S was way more exciting than mine

  Aaaah, to be Sandy... I got my wish the other night. My date? Sara Sugarman. For those of you who don't know her, she is one of the most vivacious and fun people to be around and we have a lot in common. A Welsh Jew, which is about as rare as a Swedish one, Sara went to the AFI screenwriting program a year ahead of me. She gave me the best advice for how to make it the most valuable experience possible and has proven to be a sweet and loyal friend, always ready to pimp me out. Already an accomplished writer/director, Sara also interned at Brothers & Sisters so she shares my love for John, Studs, Cliff, Molly and everyone else over there. 

  And by the way, she made the best Danny Zuko a girl could ask for. I went for the "bad Sandy" look and wore fake leather pants, a tight top and curled my hair before picking Sara up, who had no idea where we were going. "Is it a strip club?" she nervously texted me as I was on my way. She was beyond excited when I told her we were going to the Hollywood Bowl for the Grease Sing-along. 

  When we got to our seats, Didi Conn, who played Frenchie, was up on stage talking to people who had dressed up for the movie. There were Sandys, Dannys, Frenchies, Rizzos, Beauty School Dropouts and a family who were dressed as the drive-in scene (!) There was a little Danny Zuko on a swing and behind him a hotdog struggling to get into its bun, an ice cream and popcorn, from the snack commercial that runs behind Danny on the big screen when he sings "Alone at a Drive-in Movie." Unbelievable.

  But wait, that's not all. There were also pink goodie bags on every chair. We each got a pom-pom, a comb, a yellow scarf, bubbles and a whistle. We didn't quite understand what to do with them but as the movie started, it got clear that there were be parts in the movie where we were supposed to use these things.      

  The movie started and it was really something. People hissed and booed when The Scorpions drove up with Crater Face at the wheel, shook their pom-poms at the football game and blew bubbles during "Beauty School Dropout." Sara looked in her goodie bag for a condom to break when Kenickie is about to have sex with Rizzo and his breaks, but no such luck. 

Bad girl Cha-Cha DiGregorio from St. Bernadette's

  The best use of the goodie bag came when Crater Face and Danny got ready for the drag race. The yellow scarf was a replica of the one Cha-Cha DiGregorio wore and subsequently took off her neck to start the race. So there were thousands of people swinging their yellow scarves as the race started....

    

  We laughed our asses off, we screamed, clapped, whistled, and sang all our favorite songs...from "Summer Lovin'" to the somewhat pathetic "Hopelessly Devoted to You" to "Greased Lightning," all with lyrics scrolling across the bottom of the screen so we could sing along. I must say, in 1978, I had no idea they sang "the chicks will cream" in that song...and I suppose, even if I had, I wouldn't have understood what it meant, so that was an interesting revelation. We did the "Hand Jive" at the school dance until our hands were sore, we danced, I cried for Sandy, and Sara used her comb throughout the evening. 

  Best of all was to go with someone who is as crazy about singing and dancing as I am, and who isn't afraid to look completely ridiculous. Because, let me tell you, we really did. Especially Sara. Thanks for an ACES evening, SUGE!

Number 13: Skydive

    This was one of many things my friend Cliff Olin put on the list, so it was only fair that we did it together. Cliff is a founding member of Burgers & Sisters which is the highlight of my week; truffle burgers on Friday nights with Cliff, John Kazlauskas, Brian Studler and myself at Umami on Hollywood. John's boyfriend Michael Hundgen comes too...and he's the one who named our group so cleverly (after the show we all met on.) 

 A regular day at B&S: Cliff is distracted and I'm over it

    But back to Cliff who is savant smart, impatient and hilariously dramatic. He is a feast of character and creativity and at the same time can act like a 12-year-old, which makes him a great hang. I interviewed him for the Brothers and Sisters blog and it turned out to be pretty funny. One of the things he added to my list was Make a Baby which originally was "Make a Baby and Don't Abort it." I opted to keep the second part out since that would insinuate that I had made babies before and aborted them. Not that there's anything wrong with abortion. Well, you get the point.

    A Danish friend, Mikkel, recommended Lake Perris and so that's where we headed. Cliff raised some issues about having a man on his back (of course he would) but I promised him that with all the protective clothing, he would be safe.

    In preparation, we had both put our affairs in order by emailing our wills to the rest of our Burgers & Sisters group. Cliff willed his heart (to me,) his mind (Calista,) his parking space at ABC (N/A,) and his Dad (Todd.) I willed my Golden Girls DVD Collection (Kazlauskas,) hair products (Cinquemani,) booze (Studler,) and my spanky pants (Todd). Neither of us had slept very well the night before, so we were giggly and sleepy but excited. 

     

 Emergency Contacts

    I don't know which was funnier; that Cliff listed Ron Rifkin as his emergency contact, phone number and all, or that when I said I wanted to list Sally Field, Cliff did a perfect impersonation of her getting the notification call; "WHO died? I'm sorry but I have no idea who that is..."

Harnessed and ready!

    Then we met our instructors. I had Kenneth, a tall and very cute Danish guy who reminded me of Roy Jenkins, my favorite Groundlings teacher, who I have always had a crush on. The most important thing - other than how delightful he was - was that I felt safe and taken care of. Besides, it's never a bad idea to be strapped to a strapping young Dane, and not just because we could speak to each other without anyone else understanding. We put on overalls and harnesses and got on the plane which was old and rickety and made me feel like I was in the RAF during World War II. 

My eyes are closed...I'm already dreaming of Kenneth

    I don't know how to express or explain what came next...because you really have to experience it. Kenneth and I threw ourselves out of the plane and for a few seconds I was lost and confused and scared and dislocated. Then I took a deep breath and relaxed and I just naturally started laughing. I couldn't stop. It was so fun and funny...the feeling, the experience. He yelled "PULL" and I didn't, so he did and that was a good thing. Until the parachute opened, it was crazy and chaotic and windy and loud and fantastic. Then once it opened, there was a calm and a stillness and an incredible view. Peace and quiet in my mind. And again, being strapped to Kenneth wasn't awful either. As we landed, I saw Cliff on the ground going nuts with excitement. We both couldn't believe we actually did it! 

    We got to the car and started to drive back to LA and I fell asleep almost right away. All my energy was zapped and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. I have no idea how Cliff stayed awake behind the wheel...  

    When I woke up we were almost at our next stop, Philippe, in downtown LA. We walked in, starved and stupid. I say stupid because our brains clearly weren't operating at full capacity. Probably not even half. I couldn't say macaroni salad no matter how hard I tried so I ordered coleslaw. Three French Double Dip sandwiches, coleslaw, four lemonades and a banana cream pie later we were starting to get some energy back. Just enough to get back to Cliff's where we both collapsed on the couch for a nap, not quite believing we had just thrown caution to the wind and ourselves out of a plane at 12,000 feet. 

    What an AWESOME day....mange tak til Mikkel og Kenneth...but most of all, THANK YOU, Cliff "Cooch" Olin!

Number 12: Read War and Peace (Война и мир)

 

War and Peace is considered one of the world's greatest works of fiction and for those who don't know what it's about; it details the events leading up to Napoleon's invasion of Russia from the perspective of five Russian aristocracies, and it also shows the impact of the Napoleonic era on Tsarist society.

The first draft was finished in 1863 and even though Tolstoy himself wasn't happy with that version, it was published under the title, "1805" with a different ending. He re-wrote it between 1866 and 1869 and published it under the title "War and Peace" in 1869. In 1983, the original "1805" was re-edited and published and has been translated into English, German, French, Spanish, Dutch, Swedish, Finnish and Korean.

It arrived a few weeks ago and was been sitting on my desk for a long time. I opened it up a couple of times, but it is so overwhelming in size. Big commitment. And I'm not good with those. Then...long flight to Australia...perfect opportunity. I figured I would get half read on the way there and the other half on the way back. So I got on the plane and settled into my seat and got ready. Just needed to eat first. And see that movie I've been dying to see. And read that script. And a quick nap. Interesting how fast a 15 hour plane ride goes by when you are avoiding something. Same on the way back. I watched movies I really haven't been dying to see just to avoid Mr. Tolstoy's brilliant literary work. 

Back in LA, I called the library to see if they had the audiobook. They did. All 48 discs for a total listening time of 61 hours. That was even more overwhelming. So I decided to read 100 pages every day. 50 in the morning and 50 before going to sleep. There it sat on my bedside table when I woke up that first morning. I decided I couldn't get out of bed before I had read my 50 pages so the combination of hunger and needing to go to the bathroom got me interested real fast. At night when my mind is spinning with thoughts and voices of characters I'm working on, I found it comforting to read and ultimately fall asleep to. Two weeks and that was it.

It wasn't an easy read. Was it good? Hard to say. Did I love it? Not really, but I liked parts of it. There was a lot of details and many characters to keep track of and I had to go back a lot to figure out what was going on. I think more important than my opinion about it and whether or not I was mesmerized by the content, was that I accomplished something. I've read many important literary works and when I do, I feel connected to history and the world, and I like that. And, certainly as a writer I think it's important to read as much as you write to get a new (or in this case, old) perspective on things. 

Dax is about to get ignored because Mom is reading War and Peace

When Rachel first suggested putting this on the list, I assumed it was because she had read it, but it turns out that she hasn't. Yet. It's on the way to her in Hawaii right now. I read it - you read it. Go sit on your terrace overlooking the Hilo bay with all your fancy exotic fruit trees, neglecting your sweet little son for hours upon hours upon hours. 

Thanks, Rach. And Tolstoy, I guess. 

Number 11: Take a Hip Hop (and it don't stop) Dance Class

      Yep! You guessed it! Back to The Edge - LA's premier dance studio - for more humiliation. I went with my friend Andrea Anders, who loves to dance as much as I do and who gave me the best early graduation gift EVER: 

Hiphopopotamus & Rhymenocerous 

Flight of the Conchords at the Hollywood Bowl. She did it right too. Drove her flashy car straight into Valet and unpacked a delicious picnic of finger sandwiches, crackers, hummus, olives, wine, beer and chocolate. The show was incredible; Kristen Schaal, Arj Barker, Eugene Mirman and then Bret and Jemaine came out. They sang and danced and talked and bickered until our cheeks were so sore we couldn't talk. A night of hilarity, both the show and the company. 

Andrea with her new co-workers

...not surprising since Andrea is a really good comedic actress. She was great on Joey and The Class but most recently, HYSTERICALLY BRILLIANT on Better Off Ted. And you'll be able to see her soon in Mr. Sunshine on ABC. 

But back to Number 11: Take a Hip Hop Class. We were really excited. I was irritated because class didn't start on time and Andrea said it was because I was nervous. She was right. Then Ben showed up and we got started. It was really fun but hard. And for the warm-up, I had a really hard time keeping a straight face because, let's face it, I'm an itty bitty Jewish Swedish girl and some of the hip hop moves just look so weird when I do them. Like I'm trying to be a black rapper or something. 

Ben was awesome. And sexy. Until he made the first timers raise their hands (us.) He started teaching us this really cool routine and Andrea picked it up pretty quickly. She was good. I was trying to figure it out, like in my head, and that's obviously not "where hip hop lives" so it didn't go so well. But the more I relaxed and just let my body do its thing, the easier it got. And more fun. It was hot and sweaty and hard but really awesome and the music was cool and we really just had the BEST TIME.

And we're going back. Ben teaches Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays so that's when you'll find us there. Thanks for a great class, Ben. And thanks for another great adventure, AA.

Number 10: Write 5 Letters

 This one I liked a lot. After all, I'm a writer. It was suggested to me at Cyndi Finkle's Birthday Breakfast, by her sweet friend Kristin, who I've known peripherally through the years and have always enjoyed seeing and connecting with. The conversation was about doing something non-electronic, like going back to the basics, and writing letters seemed like a good place to go.

I've written many letters in my life and I've saved every letter and post card I've ever received. They live in a filing system in my closet and to get ready for this task, I took a peek to get inspired and to see if there were any old pen pals that I should reconnect with. My most frequent letter writers have their own files, others are filed under "boyfriends" or "family" or "summer camp" etc. In the "boyfriends" file, I have love letters from my first boyfriend from summer camp, Joachim Rosenberg, or Joe Joe Rose as he was called the summer we all decided to have American names. Mine was Mac something. 

Twenty-three postcards from Gothenburg

Our romance started in 1978 and we were on and off for about 10 years. He lived in Gothenburg so it was long distance. He once sent me 23 post cards, each with just one word. I had to put them in order to read the message. He was 13 at the time and my parents thought the gesture was flashy but I thought it inventive and romantic. So my first letter goes to China, where Joachim lives with his wife and four kids, working for Volvo. I'm sure he'll be surprised. 

    

Grandma Celina and a few of her letters

     Next, a letter to Helsingborg, Sweden and to my grandmother Celina, who has written me many sweet cards and letters in her perfectly neat handwriting, which I inherited. She is the coolest little grandmother anyone could ever ask for and she doesn't have a computer so emailing isn't an option as far as staying in touch. She lives in Helsingborg, the small town in the south of Sweden where I was born and spent the first few years of my life, before moving to Stockholm. She's about 4 feet 10 inches of stubbornness and has a sense of style that is unique and truly her own, as you can see above. 

Celina was born in Poland in 1928 and spent time in concentration camp where she lost her parents and her brother. She was rescued by the English and ended up in Sweden, where she met Norbert Cahn. She was only 42 when I was born so she really was quite cool to have as a grandmother, and my brother Ulrik and I spent a lot of time at her house when we were growing up. Although it was grandpa Norbert that rode bikes and played ping-pong with us, grandma Celina made Swedish pancakes, meatballs and bought special chocolate in Denmark for us to put on our toast.  

    

Rich and his Sheldon Avenue stationary

Letter number three goes to Richard Zamet, whose letters to me can be found in the "London" file, where he still lives. He played the guitar and sang U2's "Running to Stand Still" when I was about 16 or 17 and my heart stopped. He is still very, very close to it. His Mum still lives on Sheldon Avenue which was printed on the stationary from his letters all those years ago, and last time I was in London, we all stayed there; me, Rich and his sweet boy Sebastian. It was such an incredible TRIP down memory lane being back at the house where we all used to congregate as teenagers. I'm seeing him in London this summer but for now, a letter! 

 Judy and I, too busy talking to pose for the camera

Number four goes to Japan or Bangkok, Judy and her daughter Asia are all over the place so I need to figure out where they are before I mail her letter. Judy is a heart friend. She's in mine and I'm in hers. We're very connected and our friendship went through a lot of phases before it settled. Judy is strong, insightful, beautiful, an incredible mother to Asia, and unfortunately, her strength was tested about six months away when the love of her life, her husband Jerome, passed away. She has handled it with such grace...I can't put into words how much I admire her ability to transcend, transform and create her life newly. I recently got the chance to see her and Asia when they visited LA and it was a sweet reunion. I'm actually sending two letters; one to Judy and one to my little friend Asia. 

    

 Pia and her stack of letters to me

   The final letter goes to my bästis, (yes, that's Swedish for best friend) and the only Swedish person I say "I love you" to regularly. You see, when you say it in Swedish, it's uncomfortable and weird, not just because people are suppressed, but because the words are kind of awkward to say. Pia and I waitressed together in the late eighties but would spend more time having drinks with the male guests then we would actually work. Our boss Martin was cool with it though, because he sold more alcohol that way. Living so far away from her is HARD, but when I go home it's like no time has passed and we always pick up right where we left off. Pia has a hot, young husband and two beautiful daughters and will probably start crying when she gets her letter. 

 What did I write? They all started off with a bit of a "weather report" I suppose...you know, "here's what I'm doing...what are you doing?" but once I got into it, I was just writing and it was good, deep, sweet and fun and I didn't know where I was going until I got to what felt like the end. The greatest thing was I couldn't erase anything...so it all came out however it came out. I edit and re-edit the tiniest of emails so not being able to tweak or fix was uncomfortable at first but then quite liberating. 

As exciting as it is to imagine my five letters arriving at their destinations; being delivered by post men all over the world, spreading joy to the recipients, I got so much joy from this task (aside from the hand cramps.) Expressing myself on beautiful stationary, with calligraphy pens, using colorful stamps and even sealing my letters with my "C" wax seal, made ME feel love and happiness. 

This quote by Janet Malcolm sums it up perfectly. "A correspondence is a kind of love affair....It is with our own epistolary persona that we fall in love, rather than with that of our pen pal."