My friend Dory suggested this and it sounded ludicrous at first. It was either the Bond marathon or eat 24 Big Macs in 24 hours, or something I really don't want to repeat. I discarded the idea quickly but the more I thought about it, the more I realized what a Bond fan I am, and how great it would be to revisit all the films...in a row...staying up late...having good snacks and beverages...with friends coming over for a Bond film or two...genius, really. So kudos to Dory and his creative mind.
Dory played himself in Finding Nemo
Dory has been living in China for as long as I've known him, so I haven't seen him much, but when I do it's always a good time as he has an uncanny ability to get under my skin. He's quickly gotten to know me AND learned what buttons to push. Kudos again, I suppose. He's also a good friend to have if you like really cool, modern, architectural-type shoes as he works for United Nude.
I thought of inviting my brother Ulrik since he introduced me to Bond films and told me which James Bond I had to prefer (Sean Connery,) but since he is in Sweden, he couldn't make it. And by the way, Ulrik will from now on be referred to as "he who must not be named" since he's having some sort of issue being mentioned in the blog. I guess it's not exactly increasing his coolness factor.
So I went about setting up the marathon. I was trying to work out how to get all the Bond movies, since you can't rent that many movies at Blockbuster, but it turns out I have two friends who love Bond enough to own the entire collection, Brian Studler of Number: 7 Go to Prom & Robert Scott Wildes, a talented director friend from the AFI, whose latest short film, Thule, is bound to be well-received at film festivals this season. And not just because it features a voice-over by yours truly. Yep, nothing makes you feel like you're pushing forty more than being cast as Mrs. Roberts, a woman with a son in the air force.
The game plan itself was easy. Friday night until Sunday night with short sleep breaks. Food and snacks and a somewhat cohesive schedule. I made Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes, my famous pumpkin pecan muffins, almond torte and had both healthy snacks and candy.
Dory without hair and make up
Dory, who just moved to New York but still didn't fly in for the marathon (lame,) checked in the day before with the following encouraging email; "Kind of weak that you are taking sleep breaks and not going full-on till the break of dawn..." I would expect nothing less.
First up; Dinner with Sean Connery and "Dr. No," followed by "From Russia with Love," "Goldfinger" and "Thunderball. " Goldfinger of course features a classic dialogue exchange; "Do you expect me to talk?" says Bond. "No I expect you to die, Mr. Bond," replies Auric Goldfinger. Because there were only girls Friday night, the conversation tended to center around Sean Connery's back hair and the decorating in the villains' lairs, as opposed to car chases and killings. We also came up with the idea of doing a medley of all James Bond songs complete with Liza Minelli voices and jazz hands, but got stuck after a few.
We noticed the costume department's tendency to put Sean Connery in mini-shorts and then there was the homo-erotic scene in "Thunderball," when he gets stuck in the spine stretcher machine and is jerked back and forth quite violently. After four films it was time for a a bed time break, although some of us fell asleep on the couch, (Karen Forman) while others stayed alert until the bitter end (Elena and I.)
Saturday morning...hard to get out of bed but "You Only Live Twice" was waiting for me, and it's a pretty good movie. Ernst Stavro Blofeld is back for the third time, as is his furry white friend and his unhealthy obsession with gold bullion. Bond, in an attempt to pass as a Japanese man, has his chest shaved and puts on a caesar type wig...and voila...looks nothing like a Japanese man. Best line of the movie; "For a European, you are exceptionally well cultivated."
Waffles with Zoe and Mr. George Lazenby for "On Her Majesty's Secret Service." This was a film I hadn't seen, and to my surprise I actually liked it. It's weird, quirky and un-Bond like and has the first and last romantic montage in the Bond series; James and Contessa Teresa di Vincenzo horseback riding, kissing at the beach, lunching, laughing. Strange.
Then they get married. Which of course doesn't last long, as she is killed a few minutes later, making it one of two Bond films that made me cry. And George Lazenby is no slouch as James Bond. Fit and handsome with a softer side. Not bad at all. This film also had one of the best lines of the whole series; "What she needs is a man to dominate her," says the Contessa's father to Bond in an attempt to get them together.
Happy to be back with Sean Connery for "Diamonds are Forever" which is cool because it takes place in Vegas. Then FINALLY...
"Live and Let Die." Happiness for many reasons; the arrival of Roger Moore who was always my favorite back in the day, the title song is sung by my favorite Beatle and his Wings, and if that wasn't enough, the opening scene with the funeral in New Orleans is awesome. Then there's voodoo and tarot with Solitaire, played by Jane Seymour. As much as I've come to appreciate Sean Connery's portrayal of James Bond, Roger Moore's delightfully fun, charming and British portrayal was warmly welcomed after a lot of ass-slapping and brute arrogance by Sean Connery.
I thought I would tire of watching these films fairly quickly but next was "The Man with the Golden Gun" which has my favorite villain, Fernando Scaramanga, and his little friend Nick Nack. Also, not one, but two Swedish Bond girls, Britt Ekland and Maud Adams. Followed by "The Spy who Loved Me," "Moonraker," "For Your Eyes Only," "Octopussy," featuring Maud Adams again, and finally "A View to a Kill" before I passed out.
Not a big fan of Timothy Dalton but I did wake up early and watched "The Living Daylights" with the Norwegian group A-ha singing the title song. Worst Bond song ever. And waffles with Ronny for "License to Kill" which featured a skinny, young Benicio Del Toro as a henchman. And that's all I can say about that. Not very exciting at all.
Happy to see Mr. Pierce Brosnan, but it seemed the quality of the ladies went down a bit, as did the qualities of the films in general. There wasn't a single blonde Bond girl in any of the Pierce Brosnan films, all brunettes and many of them extremely intelligent (boring.) With the lesser quality also came lesser cup sizes...the only thing added was a lot of fabric...boy, were these girls covered up compared to the earlier films. And their names just weren't as fun, with the exception of Christmas Jones, of course.
Honey Ryder, Mary Goodnight and Pussy Galore...
I get it, in the nineties everything got politically correct and I suppose that spread to the James Bond films. So, no more Plenty O'Toole or Holly Goodhead. No more women showing up in Bond's hotel room wearing see through negliges, or just waiting for him naked in his bed. Which is unfortunate because James Bond is supposed to be a womanizing, chauvinistic bad ass where women fight over him and coo, "Oh, James, " ready to give up their family, livelihood and their own lives after just a kiss.
But not in the Pierce Brosnan movies. "GoldenEye" features perhaps the drabbest Bond girl of all time, and I'm embarrassed to say she is Swedish...Izabella Scorupco is usually hot but they've managed to remove all that in this film. Thank god for Famke Janssen's Xenia Onatopp, who gets off by getting the crap kicked out of her, making it a way more interesting movie.
Then "Tomorrow Never Dies," The World is Not Enough," and "Die Another Day." Not exactly fantastic plots, so they all tended to bleed together with a few great racks in sight; Teri Hatcher, Denise Richards and Halle Berry.
"Casino Royale" and "Quantum of Solace" rounded out the marathon. And what a sweet way to end. With Daniel Craig. When I originally saw "Quantum of Solace" I was really disappointed, but Studler, who dropped by Sunday, made a good point. If you watch them as a pair, it makes for one long, great movie. And that it was. "Casino Royale" has a fantastically evil and hot Danish actor as its villain, and yes, when Vesper died, I cried for the second time.
Off to bed FINALLY...shaken and stirred... I dreamt about Jaws, Oddjob, Nick Nack, Felix Leiter, Aston Martins, my Z3, Q and his gadgets, hot blondes and a tuxedo clad Daniel Craig getting into the shower with me and sucking my fingers. Not a bad way to end this adventure.
Thank you, Dory for the suggestion. It was great/interesting/exhausting. Thanks to my friends who stopped by for one or two or three movies; Sarah, Karen, Elena, Zoe, Keri, Ron, Studler, Kevin and Wei-ning.
You are most welcome for the suggestion. I think I prefer the picture of me as a fish in Finding Nemo then the one you ripped off and then disparaged from my Facebook page.
Congrats on completing your assignment 007.
Posted by: dory | 10/12/2010 at 01:55 PM