Number 33: Go Rock Climbing

My friend Guy Burnet would want me to say he's tough and cool, a perfect gentleman but also a ladies man, a great boxer, and an even better soccer player. I will happily say all of that, because it's true, while adding that the cool brown leather jacket he wears is a ladies jacket. And that at Hannukah dinner at Bob & Hil's this week, he proudly announced a huge new breakthrough in technology: wireless printing. "Do you know that I can click to print in one room, and have it come out of a printer in the next room?" The funniest part was, he couldn't work out why we were all laughing...and kept asking "why is that funny?" until Rosie - because I was still laughing uncontrollably - told him we've all been doing that for the last ten years.

Guy has nestled himself in my heart very quickly, almost like a fifth brother. He has the ability to wind me up with just one word or even a quick look, like the rest of them. But he is also a treasure of a friend, not too cocky about his dreamy looks, very protective of me and my heart, and with a heritage as diverse as mine... his mother is Jewish Italian and his father British. As if all that wasn't enough, he appreciates my baked goods, which is a great way to stay on my good side. Upon tasting my Indian cupcakes, Guy exclaimed "It's like Christmas in my mouth..." in his sweet Oliver Twist accent.

Yes, Guy, I had to embarrass you with this smoldering photo...

Having decided that indoor rock climbing would satisfy completing this task, Guy got into my car, which surprised me because he is usually frightened to drive with me. Not because of my driving skills, which are excellent, but because my car is a convertible, so when the top is down, Guy feels like he's going to fall out. I suppose with the weather being a bit chilly, he rightly assumed I wouldn't take the top down, and felt safe.

We headed to a place called Rockreation in West LA, and as usual, started by filling out the familiar release & emergency contact form. Guy listed me as his emergency contact, and under "relationship" he wrote "bum chums." I decided to shake things up a bit, and listed Ken Olin. Relationship: "Daddy."

Happy the harness is loose around the balls...

Next, we put our shoes on and got strapped into harnesses, but not before Guy had whined about being uncomfortable having things tightly tied around his balls, to the girls at the front desk. Two things come to mind here: 1. What else has Guy had tied to his balls? and, B. How is it that a British accent can turn something like that into smiles and giggles from the girls? If some American dude had said it, it would have just been gross.

Guy and "shirtless guy"

We walked in, looked around and immediately saw the douchiest person in the world. An overly muscular little dude in tight bleached jeans and no shirt. He was looking at a wall, deep in thought, then started to do some "fake air climbing" to figure out what exactly he would do once he got up. I'm sure it's good to have a plan, but it just looked so overly cocky and ridiculous. After all, Rockcreation isn't Mount Everest. We named him "shirtless guy," took a photo secretly and moved on.

We met Ryan, "our guy" and I started with a wall that looked fairly easy. Ryan gave no instructions but just said to climb up, and that he would help guide me if necessary. The first couple of steps up were pretty easy, so I climbed up a few more. Then I looked down and got scared.

Guy and Ryan were talking down below and I tried really hard to look calm and un-scared, while telling myself to breathe. I couldn't wait to get to the top, just so I could come down again. I think I might be afraid of heights after all. I have now bungee jumped, gone skydiving and attended trapeze school, but I still get scared every time I get up there. It doesn't stop me from doing it, and I'm always happy after, but I see those falling scenarios so vividly every time.

I was sweating, which was weird because it was just a few minutes and I didn't think I was exhausting myself at all. I reached the top, and got to do that cool slide down, while bouncing my feet off the wall every few feet. I could feel how cool I looked. "Vertical Limit" cool.

I wiped some sweat off, and prepared Guy for how exhausting it would be. He started, and pretty much just climbed right up really quickly. By the time I got my phone out to take a photo, he was already at the top. He came down with zero beads of sweat and acted like it was the easiest thing in the world. "What's next?" he said and we moved over to another wall.

Guy picked a really hard wall and I could see Ryan hesitating. He obviously didn't think I had it in me to climb a wall with a wide incline, which of course meant I had to prove him wrong. I got up a few steps and focused, really looking around to find the perfect colorful blob to place my foot on. It was going alright until I got to the incline part. It was all arm muscles, and although I have some on account of my boxing training, it didn't seem to be enough to lift and hold the rest of me in place while moving up.

I started to sweat again, and my breathing pace picked up. I went beyond arm muscles and tapped into anger and stubbornness, but nothing could move me further up. I swore to myself, then looked down and yelled that I couldn't do it. Guy did his version of a pep talk, which is a half-excited "oh, c'mon...s'not that hard..." and Ryan said he could give me a break, which meant he'd hold me and I could let go for a few seconds until I was ready again. I said "yes, please" but once he had me, I really couldn't start climbing again because my arms were cramping up. So sore. I gave up.

Irritatingly, Guy swooped up the wall like Errol Flynn in a pirate movie. Because his legs are so much longer than mine, he could just skip the hard incline part, and step right past it, getting to the top in seconds again. And even more irritating; he looked way cooler than I did when he was coming down.

A couple more climbs where I was dying from exhaustion while Guy looked fresh and happy. I glanced around at 6-year-old Caroline and explained, "I have a boxing match tomorrow so I can't go full out...have to save my strength." She nodded in what I interpreted as a patronizing way. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I felt ridiculed, and it was definitely time to go.

Guy, who originally had questioned the legitimacy of this challenge saying that "it just doesn't make sense to climb up there for nothing," adding, "if they had ice-cream or some sort of incentive up there, it would be different," actually admitted he had quite enjoyed himself.

Next up, lunch, Christmas shopping in Santa Monica, and Christmas caroling in the car on the way home. I wanted to take the top off so badly, to punish Guy for being so much better than I, but I'm not that kind of person. Who am I kidding? I totally am. But it was too cold.

Thank you Ryan, for not dropping me, and thank you sweet Guy for a fantastic day!

Comments

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Rock climbing, huh. That's a pretty cool thing to do. About the car... Yes, there are some people who actually feel a lot safer when they're inside a vehicle with a roof.

Posted by: Dante Mallet | 11/11/2011 at 06:33 AM