My First Wedding

Yeah, sorry. Not mine. The first one I attended. It was my mother's. It was her second wedding and it took place on June 6th, 1976, so 35 years ago tomorrow. Interestingly enough, there are no photos of me from this wedding. It seems strange now, in an era where children from previous marriages are included in wedding ceremonies with new partners, to make sure they don't feel left out. But that's exactly how it was. We were left out. No pink dress or flower girl responsibilities for me. I wore a denim overall dress and sat in the benches, with other guests. I remember crying. Why? Why was this other person coming into our life? Why was he "taking" our mother?

And after? Ulrik and I were taken home by a baby sitter. No party for us. I remember my mom and Nicke (my stepdad) getting into a limo or some other fancy car, and I ran up to it, wanting to get in with them. But I wasn't allowed and they drove off. I was five and a half, and hysterically crying. For all I knew, they were never coming back. So, I don't have fond memories of this day, on the contrary, it was a traumatic experience for me because I didn't understand what was going on, and I don't remember anyone explaining it to me. My mom says she doesn't know if we understood what was going on or not, but that everything worked out.

The ceremony took place at the "big synagogue" in Stockholm. For those of you familiar with Stockholm, the synagogue is located right behind hotel, restaurant, and night club, Berns. For those of you familiar with "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo," the scene where Officer Bublanski is interrupted in the middle of praying, was filmed here. This is also where a few years ago, a cantor forgot to turn his microphone off, and stepped out to make a phone call to his girlfriend, which was then heard by the entire congregation over loudspeakers. Including his wife.

There are three synagogues in Stockholm, two orthodox and one conservative, and the "big synagogue" is the conservative one. It's called the "big synagogue" because it's by Swedish standards, very big. Definitely bigger than the other two. It features an organ and there has been a bit of a debate through the years about whether or not to play it on shabbat and holidays, as this is a conservative synagogue and not a reform one, but it's typically used.

The "big synagogue" is where I had my Bat Mitzvah and if was after that, in 1982, that Ulrik and I were invited to join the choir, which we promptly did. We were the youngest members of the choir, and I'd like to say we joined because we were inspired to sing Hebrew prayers, but I think our reasons were a bit more shallow than that.

Bat Mitzvah girl, December 4, 1982

Singing in the choir was an exclusive way of attending services. We were seated on the highest balcony, which meant we could see everything and everyone. We were also separate from our parents, who would insist on our following along in the praying. Up top, no one could see us, so we could read comic books if we wanted. And we did. Finally, we got paid, maybe ten or twenty dollars per service. Enough to make us way excited to go to temple.

But back to the wedding. My mother felt she should probably not wear white as she had been married before. And she loves green, so that's what she picked. She swopped a veil for the hat for the same reason. The night before Nicke spent the night in his apartment, but kept on calling for a myriad of reasons because he was nervous. One of the calls was that he had forgotten to arrange for the bouquet - I guess it was common for the groom to handle that in those days. Turns out that part was a joke, but my Mom stayed calm, got her bouquet, and got hitched.

Happy 35th Anniversary!