This is a weird first. But I had a session with a new astrologer recently and found out I'm a Scorpio and not a Sagittarius as I have believed my whole life. It was so upsetting to me that I couldn't focus on anything else he said. (It was good that the session was recorded because there were a lot of valuable things discussed.) Turns out most varieties of astrology haven't taken into consideration that the earth wobbles, which causes the astrological signs to shift slightly. This doesn't affect everyone by the way, just some. I'm one of the lucky ones.
Now, if you're one of those people who thinks astrology is crap, (you know who you are) you should probably stop reading now. And by the way, it's not like astrology is an exact science or religion to me, but I have found it comforting and helpful that some of the ways I feel and act are outside of me, and has something to do with energies and alignments in the universe, and not with some dysfuncion or emotional shortcoming of mine. Admittedly a bit of a cop-out.
I've made a pretty good life for myself as a happy, optimistic, freedom loving, independent Sagittarian. I've needed to travel the world so I have and still do. Half man, half horse, always on the go. And I've been able to shrug and explain to those who wanted more than I could give in a relationship that "Sagittarius is the bachelor sign of the Zodiac..." I've been loving people up, just in shorter increments. I've been friendly. And open.
Scorpios on the other hand, are PRIVATE. Secretive, sensitive, mysterious and really intense, and if you wrong them, they will sting you HARD. Don't get me wrong. I love Scorpios. I really do. I have evidence in the form of a long list of boyfriends, lovers and even an ex-husband. It just isn't for me, you know? So I'm gonna be honest with you. It's been rough month being a Scorpio. Real rough.
For those of you who don't know much about astrology, or the difference between Sagittarians and Scorpios, my recent dilemma is like living your whole life in Gryffindor House, with Hermoine and all the red freckled Weasleys, and then waking up one morning discovering that you really belong in Slytherin. And there's Draco Malfoy with his creepy stare in the bed next to you. So I've had to come to terms with the whole good and bad thing. Is it possible that it was bad to be good? And can it be good to be bad?
I had to reorganize my brain. And when I started to, I realized that I'm supposed to get along with a whole other slew of signs than when I was a Sagittarius. When I was a Sagittarian my best friends were Aquarians, Leos, Libras and Arians (never Aryans because I'm Jewish.) And now I'm supposed to have affinity for Cancer, Pisces, Virgo and Capricorn, a.k.a. "the moody crowd?" Ugh. And who are these people anyway? Because if my sign shifted, I have to work out who else's sign shifted so I can figure out who in my life I'm supposed to have a newfound affinity to. That I have perhaps avoided in the past due to astrological incompatibility.
All this reorganizing and obsessive Sagittarius vs. Scorpio overanalytical thinking had me feeling like my brain was about to explode, which in turn had me discover that I'm actually really intense. Hm. So maybe there is something in this new diagnosis? I checked around with some Scorpio friends to see if I fit into their category of dispair and darkness. The consensus was that I was ok to be one of them, as long as I didn't send THEM to the Libra box. Turns out everyone is as comfy in their box as I am in mine.
And in subsequent discussions about Scorpio traits, my intensity (sexual and otherwise) and sensitivity did come up. And how obsessively private I am. I tried to defend myself by claiming my blog is so clearly the antithesis of privacy, but I was shot down quickly. "The blog is a pretense...sure, it's you sharing openly, but only what you want, and god help anyone who discusses something about your life that wasn't pre-approved by you." Yep. True Dat. Privacy is important to me. I've had entire relationships without anyone ever knowing (in most instances the gentleman in question had some knowledge.)
Which leads me to the next revelation. Because if you talk about my private business, or wrong me in some other way, I don't know that I'll sting you, but you will definitely be out of my life in about three seconds without the obligatory "good luck in your future endeavors" Sagittarian optimism. It's more like "I hope you have no future endeavors. But if you do, let me make it clear I will not be part of them, nor will I spend a second thinking of them." I guess that's a version of a sting.
So now what? I have no idea. Like I said, it's been a rough month. But it's also been interesting. It's not often you learn new things about yourself, and it's not often everything you thought you were, got thrown out and replaced by a whole other set of attributes and ways of being. By the way, I'm well aware that none of this is the truth. I'm clear it doesn't really mean anything. I do find it helpful to shift the context from which I operate from time to time, so that I can see and get access to a different side of myself, and all of this provided that opportunity. That's all.
In conclusion, I have a lot of boxes, for myself and for others. They make me feel safe and protected. Because I know what happens in my box. (That pun really wasn't intended.) In my box I can control my destiny and that's reassuring. But I can see now that I also use my box (or boxes) as an excuse to not have to be responsible for my life. It prevents me from taking risks and leaves me too safe, even complacent at times. So this was a good way to shake things up and force myself out. (And into the crazy box, which most of my readers have probably put me in after reading this.)
Last but not least, if you want to see what sign you REALLY are, you can go here. You'll most likely find it to be confronting at first, like I did. Or my friend Maya. She was the first one to go to the fantastic astrologer and was told she was no longer a Gemini, but instead a Taurus. She was quite adamant and stubborn (like a Taurus) that she was a Gemini, but now she can't see herself as anything but a Taurus. So, after things settle, you might find things to love about your newfound astrological self. Or not. Take what you like and leave the rest. That's what I'm doing.
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